Lessons with the Dalai Lama: I (Matt) was very lucky to attend His Holiness the Dalai Lama's 10/11/2012 panel discussion in Charlottesville, "Compassion in 21st Century Medicine." Made quite an impression on me; here's some of what I learned [re-post into this Forum, from earlier facebook wall posting]:

The most effective caregivers (and supervisors in any superior-subordinate relationship such as work place) are those who have excellent empathetic listening skills, who emotionally connect with their patients, and who smile and show human affection. This more holistic connection motivates the patient to adhere to any future treatment regimen. A caregiver with supreme medical knowledge and skill, but who doesn't connect with patients on a compassionate level, will be less effective than a caregiver with average knowledge and skill but great interpersonal connection ability. We need to find solutions to the patient-caregiver barriers to compassionate care of (1) many caregivers have too many patients each day and so cannot spend enough quality time with individual patients; (2) caregivers need to have time to type their notes into the computer later, away from the patient, rather than during conversation with patient thereby interrupting the patient-caregiver connection; (3) some caregivers ordering more and more tests rather than stopping to explain illnesses to patients; and (4) patients sometimes getting a different caregiver each time when they visit a clinic, preventing the formation of interpersonal connection between patient and one caregiver.

Imagine how happy the world would be if every human being was mindful (of others, of our environment, of laws, of commandments, etc.) in the actions they decide to take, rather than being selfish. Churches may have become a bit less effective overall in their getting all of their followers to act with mindfulness in everything they do, as forethought rather than afterthought confession. Furthermore, people who are not religious are left out. We need to build into – that is, weave throughout – our public and private educational system, raising children to be mindful in everything they do. Selfishness is the source of our world's problems: corruption, environmental degradation, injustice, cheating, etc. even among religious people. If we weave into the fabric of our children the great importance of always caring for others, not self, this leads people to have calm minds, bypassing jealousy, frustration, stress, hatred, anger.

For your own happiness, work on your own mental attitude: train yourself to see and focus on the good that can be found in bad. See the positive in the negative. Mental pain depends on mental attitude.

Caregivers, in working with a dying or deceased patient's friends and family, connect with the survivors' own beliefs. If they believe in heaven, discuss how all of the pain and everyday-life normal suffering the patient was going through, comes to an end … and a fresh new beginning in heaven is a wonderful thing. If they believe in souls continuing on to rebirth (such as in Buddhism), mention something attune to what the 77-year-old Dalai Lama himself said: he's looking forward to a brand new body without his current old-age aches and pains! "Optimum," he said!

When a long-time-ill patient is near end-of-life, caregivers let your patient die peacefully, perhaps at home in the care of family. Consider not doing late-stage drastic in-hospital procedures if they are unlikely to work, and risk the patient dying during / in-hospital. Take the harder-for-the-doctor path of compassionately connecting with the patient and family (emotional support for the family, not just the patient!), rather than avoiding that and trying late-game procedures. A peaceful mind at the last moment of life is better for the patient, and better for the family. // Personal note: I (Matt) am grateful that my grandfather – my life role model – insisted on being at home at the end of his life, neither connected up to IVs, nor ventilator, etc. 8 years ago, his doctor said he would pass in the range of a few days. I was at his home, beside his bed, and he passed at 4:23am 8 years ago yesterday. What a peaceful way to go – for him, and his loved ones. As a side note, his cat (who was lying on the bed) roared out this enormous meow shortly after grandpa took his last breath. No joke. Whoa. I think grandpa's soul passed through the cat.

How to handle the death of a loved one: the Dalai Lama said the way he avoided suffering when his life teacher and mentor died, was to take in and carry on that loved person's mission in life.

Caregivers, when a patient dies in your hands, relieve your mind's attachment to your patient's life by focusing on the most basic: your own breathing. Hold down one nostril, breathe in; switch to holding down other nostril, breathe out. Repeat. Further, on a regular basis, meditate on the impermanence of life.

The above are some lessons learned during the Dalai Lama's visit to Charlottesville.